


Babe, you're a habit

by jamcspotters



Series: Harry Potter writings [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Harry Potter - Freeform, Harry Potter Imagine, Harry Potter x ypu, James Potter - Freeform, James Potter fanfic, James Potter imagine, James Potter oneshot, James Potter x reader - Freeform, James Potter x you, The Marauders - Freeform, harry potter x reader, the marauders fanfiction, the marauders imagine, the marauders x reader, the marauders x you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 18:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16838068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamcspotters/pseuds/jamcspotters
Summary: Muggle au. The number one rule of friends with benefits is no feelings involved, and, you think you just broke it.





	Babe, you're a habit

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing: Sirius Black x reader
> 
> Warnings: Light smut? Heartbreak? Alcohol? Partying?
> 
> Reuploaded from my tumblr (@jamcspotters)

As soon as you set foot inside Sirius’ flat, his lips were on you. His hand were everywhere as if he couldn’t decide where to put them; on your hips; squeezing them slightly, on your waist; pulling you closer, on your face; cupping it in his hands and kissing you with the same passion he always did. They made your skin burn, hot and fiery. 

The rush of blood to your head, and the way his touch set every nerve ending in your body on fire made you dizzy. So dizzy that you hadn’t even noticed him leading you into his bedroom before his large hands had to catch you, keeping upright even as you stumbled down the hallway, too wrapped up in Sirius to even care.

His lips trailed down your neck, leaving dark coloured bruises in their wake. In a mix of gasps and whispers of each other’s names, you’d managed to kick your pants off, whether or not he’d done the same would have to be a question for later.

Before you could form another coherent thought, you were rolling around on the bed together, his hands roaming your body as you grabbed ahold of his hair, pulling it slightly.

Your chest tightened as he smiled up at you, his intense gaze meeting yours as he started to unbutton your shirt ever so elegantly, something you could have never done as smoothly.

“Is this okay?” his husky voice muttered, his hand stopped and his eyes were trained on your face. His chest moved in sync with his heavy breathing, and the intoxicating smell of his cologne washed over you. You almost wanted to scream at him for stopping now. Nodding feverishly, you arched your back off the bed as his warm hands traced your now exposed stomach.

His name left your lips in a string of curses as you let your eyes slip closed. The sound of him laughing softly and how gently he kissed your shoulder replaced the tightness in your chest with warmth, you relished in the moment, basking in his affection.

The knowledge that this would soon go back to being “just friends” loomed in the back of your mind, rearing it’s ugly head every time he did something sweet. Pressing down on your chest and wrapping its fingers around your throat, suffocating you and making your aching heart plummet to the bottom of your stomach.

This needed to end- just- not right now.

Sirius’ kitchen chairs were some of the most uncomfortable furniture you had ever encountered.

Not only were they hideous, like properly ugly, but they were cold, hard, and wooden. You still wore you’d gotten a bruise on your arse from sitting on one of them for too long. Yet now, you had voluntarily been situated there for the better half of twenty minutes, staring mindlessly at the table in front of you, the uneasy feeling in your gut getting worse by the second.

The sound of Sirius turning the shower off snapped you back to reality, your heart beating quicker at the realization that you would have to make another excuse to leave early.

You wanted to stay, you really did, but your poor heart could not handle him acting like he cared anymore. His fleeting touches and warm smiles that were reserved only for you. The sinking feeling you’d been carrying around since the beginning of this whole thing seemed to only get worse when he did that. Because, of course, he was your friend- your best friend, in fact. And you slept together quite regularly, but that was where everything ended.

There was no relationship, nothing more than two friends who fucked. The words “just friends” had left a sour taste in your mouth ever since he first slung an arm around your shoulder as you were out together, casually doing the action with an ease that you could never possess, making your stomach to summersaults and your heart skip beats.

Things weren’t easy around Sirius, you thought, chewing your lips as you awaited his return anxiously, they were stressful, and complicated, and painful.

The pain of unrequited feeling was something you’d only seen in the movies. They were portrayed as dramatic, and life-changing, and they always included a pretty actress crying loudly in front of her love, and if you were being honest, at this point, you could see yourself doing that.

“Hey,” you snapped your head towards the sound, forcing a smile when you met Sirius’ warm eyes.

“Hi,” you mumbled, running your hand through your hair, still wet from the shower you’d had only a half hour prior.

“Want some coffee?”

Shrugging, you looked away, pretending as if the burning feeling of Sirius’ stare on the side of your face didn’t make you want to hide. “I think I should leave,” you mumbled, stumbling over your words as your eyes remained glued to the ground, the sinking feeling returning.

Pushing yourself up, you took a shaky breath, grabbing your bag in an uneven motion before starting to search for your bra. You could not spend another goddamn minute in this tiny flat with only Sirius when he was looking at you like that.

A large hand was placed on your arm, keeping you from moving any further away. Sirius was looking at you intently, his dark eyes searching your face, for what, you didn’t know.

“Do you have to leave right now? Can’t we hang out a little first?” the softness of his voice and the adoration in his eyes almost coaxed you to stay, a warmth spreading in your chest at the fact that he wanted to spend time with you. At this point, even such as a simple act of affection from him would make you swoon.

His flat was warm an welcoming, and if you were being honest, maybe your favourite place in the world. The pull to stay here was like nothing you’d ever felt. You wanted to stay here, to pretend that this was more than sex and to let him treat you like he cared. Like he loved you.

You squeezed your eyes shut, forcefully clearing your head. The cold, hard truth was that to him, this was nothing more than sex. Sex with a friend, but still, sex with no romantic feelings involved.

You pulled your arm back, cringing at the way his expression changed, morphing into one of confusion If you hadn’t known better, you would have thought that he felt hurt.

Shaking your head, you forced yourself to look away. Drawing in a sharp breath, you spoke, “I can’t keep doing this.”

“What?”

“Isn’t the whole point of being friends with benefits that you don’t have to stick around after sex?” the words ‘friends with benefits’ felt weird coming out of your mouth, and just as you spoke them the realization that the two of you had never called it that dawned on you.

For a brief moment, you kept your eyes locked in the door, seriously considering making a run for it without even looking at him. The guilt sitting uncomfortably at the bottom of your stomach, and the sheer curiosity you felt somehow managed to mix together just enough to make you turn around. As your eyes met his, you could feel your heart sink to the ground.

The way his expression fell broke you.

The knock on your door brought you back to life, the numbness you’d been feeling fleeting into anxiousness. Pushing yourself up from the couch, you put one foot in front of the other, the amount of effort it took making you more worried than you already were.

When the door swung open, Lilly stood there, bags of takeout in her hands and a concerned look on her flushed face. A small part of you wondered whether or not she’d ran all the way here. The creases in her forehead were deeper than you thought you’d ever seen them, hair sticking up wildly in every direction.

“Are you okay?” she breathed, setting her bags down with a loud noise. You flinched at the sound, your head still aching from all the crying you’d done.

“I don’t know,” you confessed, mustering up a small smile, trying to reassure her. God knows Lilly had a habit of worrying too much.

Her face fell, and you’d known since you called her that she wouldn’t be easy to fool, she’d know that something was up. And perhaps that’s what you wanted; someone to confide in with this huge thing that you had not been able to tell anyone. Someone who could comfort you and help you sort out your feelings.

She took one look at your tear-streaked face before ushering you over to the sofa, wrapping you up in a blanket before hurrying into the kitchen to find something.

You sank down in your seat, the reality of how bad this was finally sinking in. The guilt of letting things get this far was eating at you while you stared mindlessly into the fireplace, watching the flames crackle. The memory if how this all started still haunted you, the sentence ‘we could just have sex?’ burned into your brain for all eternity.

Who knew that a simple lie was all it would take for things to get so messed up?

The bad habit of chewing your lips when you were stressed sneaked it’s way back as you sat there, mind spinning too fast and heart beating harder than ever before. You just had to say 'no’, didn’t you? God, it was such a stupid lie. Such a stupid little lie that had spun out of control and came back to haunt you.

The familiar sound of the kettle turning on snapped you back to reality. Tea, of course, Lilly’s magical solution to every problem. Had the situation been any other you would have found it funny how much like herself Lilly was, even in a situation so out of the ordinary.

Mere seconds later she walked out of the kitchen, carrying two large mugs and letting her eyes scan your face. The regret of calling her in such a state was really seeping in, could not have waited until you were a little calmer?

She crawled into your sofa, getting comfortable, and bringing her cup up to her lips slowly, waiting for you to say the first thing. You could tell how worried she was, and you were honestly surprised that she hadn’t demanded to know what happened as soon as she stepped inside of your flat. You wouldn’t have blamed her if she had though, if she had been the one to call you sobbing, you would have wanted to know what happened too.

“I’ve been sleeping with Sirius,” you confessed, eyes locked in the cup in your hands.

Lilly almost choked on her tea, coughing for a few seconds before she turned to look at you with wide eyes, her brows already knitting together as if she was trying to tell if you were telling the truth.

“You’re dating?”

“No,” you shook your head, gripping your cup tightly in your hands.

“So you’re just sleeping together? No feeling involved?” you could see her brain working at a thousand thoughts per minute as she took another sip of her drink.

“It was supposed to be like that,” you muttered, keeping your eyes trained on your cup. You didn’t want to say the words out loud.

You were expecting more questions, or a lecture, or at least something different than the suffocating silence the two of you currently found yourselves in. Taking a deep breath, you raised your eyes, surprised when you looked up to find her studying your face intently.

“You’re in love with Sirius, aren’t you?”

“Not in love..” you trailed off, you should have expected her to connect the dots this early.

She got quiet again, sinking down into her seat, deep in thought, occasionally sipping her tea. The tightness that had been a resident in your chest for the last few days had lifted slightly after telling her. You found a slight comfort in the fact that someone knew, you weren’t alone in this anymore.

“You know,” she started, smiling mischievously at you, “in movies, the first rule of friends with benefits relationships is no feeling involved?”

“We didn’t have any rules,” you mumbled, looking down, “and if we did, we would have both broken them already.”

“What do you mean?” she leaned forwards, obviously interested in the answer.

“He’s not exactly acting like there are no feelings involved either…” you scoffed, instantly regretting it when you saw the look on Lilly’s face.

“In what way?”

You sighed loudly, gripping your teacup tighter, dreading having to talk about this, “I don’t know…”

She narrowed her eyes at you in a way that told you that she definitely didn’t believe that answer.

“He just- he’ll do these things for me.”

“What things?”

“Like bring me coffee after class, or go out of his way to carry my books for me, or unexpectedly pay for my meals- I just- I don’t know. I just feel like that means something.” you sighed, dragging a hand over your face. A small part of you feared that she might tell you that you were reading too much into things.

She nodded, motioning for you to keep talking.

“And sometimes- he’ll- he’ll hold my hand, or put his arm around my shoulders, or brush my hair out of my face and smile at me in that way that just- just makes me melt, y’know? He never mentions it- and I never do either,” you trailed off, letting out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding in. You felt your shoulders ease up a little, saying it out loud made it feel more real, and maybe that was a good thing.

“I’ve seen it,” Lilly agreed, smiling sympathetically at you.

Swallowing hard, you mustered up a smile. Taking another sip of your cup, you didn’t look up again until you hard Lilly say your name.

“Yeah?” you answered, looking at her expectantly.

“Didn’t you have a crush on Sirius before this whole things started?”

Nodding quickly, you spoke, “Yeah but- but I told him that I didn’t. And then- and then one thing led to another..”

“Why would you do that?”

“I don’t know, Lils. It was stupid.”

“You need to tell him,” the tone of her voice was final, and though you agreed with her, that didn’t make it any easier to hear.

“I know.”

The beat of the music was so loud you swore it shook the whole house. The smell of alcohol stung your nose as you walked through the door, throwing a sceptical look at Lilly, who stood beside you smiling proudly.

“You used to like parties,” she nudged you with her shoulder, noticing the way you awkwardly shifted your weight from one leg to another.

“I used to not like Sirius, and we saw how that went,” you mumbled sourly, wrapping your arms around yourself self-consciously. The loud bass blaring from the speakers was already making your head ache.

“Come on, you need to think about something else,” she grabbed your hand, dragging you with her through the crowded hallway. The smell of sweat and- vomit?- made you sick, as if the gut-wrenching anxiety you were carrying around hadn’t already made you feel nauseous.

“I don’t feel too good,” you tried to protest, swallowing hard as if for some reason that would make the nausea go away.

“Have a drink, you’ll feel better,” Lilly mumbled, not even looking back as she desperately tried to push her way to the kitchen.

“That’s probably the worst advice I’ve ever gotten, Lils,” shaking your head at your best friend, you couldn’t help the slight giggle that escaped your lips at the way her face lit up when she saw James.

“Oh my god- Is Sirius here?” the thought had not struck you until now, and you felt your chest tighten around your thumping heart.

You didn’t get an answer, Lilly instead running straight to James, throwing herself in his arms with a gleeful squeal. In the process, she had let go of your hand, leaving you to fend for yourself in the crowd. Drunk people bumped into you from every side, and now that you were standing still, you could really feel how much pushing was going on.

Someone bumped into your shoulder, and in some chain of events, it had ended up knocking you over. You blamed the nausea for your lack of balance.

Closing your eyes, you prepared for impact, your stomach sinking at the way the ground disappeared beneath your feet. In a blur of panic, two arms had wrapped around your middle, holding you up as you still stood with your eyes squeezed closed.

“That drunk, are you love?” Sirius familiar voice came from right beside you, his breath tickling your ear as he spoke. The rate at which your heart was beating was sure to kill you.

“I haven’t even had one drink yet,” you huffed, standing up straight and brushing yourself off. A small part of you was relieved that he didn’t seem to be upset about your outburst earlier in the day.

“Well,” he smirked at you, one of his eyebrows raising slightly, “I’ll have to get you one then, won’t I?”

He led you into the kitchen, his hand burning your lower back as he guided you through the crowd. He looked good, so good that you could feel your heart aching when he turned to smile at you.

The kitchen was slightly emptier, giving you a little room to breathe. Leaning back against the counter, you let your eyes rake up and down Sirius as he went to grab a beer for you.

The burning in your lungs only got stronger as he turned around, that oh-so-charming grin he had stretched out on his face. Muttering a ‘here you go, love’, he took a sip of his drink. His eyes focusing on yours as soon as he was done, and the tension was so thick it almost made it harder to breather.

Taking a step forwards, he had somewhat of a smirk on his face, his eyes looking up and down as you stood just a couple of inches away from him, looking away from him self consciously.

“How about we leave this place and do- something more fun,” you knew very well what he was implying.

He leaned forwards ever so slightly, resting his hands on the counter on either side of you. The feeling of his breath on your face and his hips against your made every logical thought you’d had that night just disappear in thin air.

You shifted uncomfortably, the edge of the counter digging into your back but it was worth it, as you were at least a little bit further away from him. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath to steady yourself.

The deep breath didn’t help as much as you wished it had as the intoxicating smell of Sirius cologne filled your senses instead of the fresh air that you so desperately needed.

He leaned in, eyes flickering down to your lips. The rate of which your heart was beating was sure to kill you, it felt like it, at least. He moved torturingly slow, giving your slightly drunk brain time to worry more than you thought possible in such a short time. Yet you wanted this, you wanted it so badly that it hurt.

At this point, you could feel his messy hair tickling your forehead, you held your breath as he closed the distance between you. Just as his lips were about to touch yours, he leaned to the side slightly, whispering in your ear;

“What d’you say, love?”

You le the breath out, pushing on his chest and turning away with an aching heart. You couldn’t do this anymore.

Instead of turning around, you just walked, bumping into people and trying to keep the violent sobs that shook your body down. The sound of Sirius’ voice coming from behind you was like a magnet, trying to pull you back the further you got away. The increasingly desperate tone to it killed you a little on the inside, and you couldn’ t even hide it from yourself anymore. You were in love with Sirius Black

Grabbing a bottle of alcohol from the nearest table, you found the first exit. your body worked on autopilot as you hurried towards the nearest door. Despite the violent sobs, and the hot tears, and the aching heart, you felt surprisingly numb.

Before, your brain had worked too fast, too many thoughts and emotions affecting your every decision. Now, it felt as if it had turned off. Everything was in slow motion and your head was too heavy and your heart was either beating insanely fast, or not at all.

You let yourself crumble to the ground as soon as you stepped outside. The cold pavement digging into your legs as you wrapped your arms around yourself pathetically. Two people were stood by the corner smoking, clearly just having walked out of the party. They were either too drunk to notice you, or too focused on each other to care.

The feeling of your heart sinking only got worse as you saw them kiss, throwing their arms around each other and giggling loudly. A small, bitter, ugly part of you wanted to yell at them, to yell at Sirius, to scream and cry and break things.

You threw a look at the bottle you had brought outside with you, contemplating it for a split second, you picked it up. Taking a swing of it, you felt slightly relieved for a second. You didn’t know what kind of alcohol it was, but from the way it burned your throat, you could tell it was strong.

“That bad, is it?” you hear a familiar voice coming from behind you.

Dragging a hand over your face, you desperately tried to wipe the tears off. Cursing yourself for not being a bit more subtle about this whole ordeal. The anxiety of having to tell him about this had loomed in the back of your minds since the beginning of the night, but between the tightness of your chest and the desperate sobs leaving you, it hadn’t hit you that this was a problem you’d have to face tonight.

“M’fine,” you muttered, voice hoarse from crying.

You could feel the warmth radiating of Sirius the second he sat down next to you. Until now, you had not felt how much the cold October air had affected you. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you sniffled slightly. 

Sirius reached out, grabbing the bottle from your hands and setting it down on the ground beside you. Even though hearing him sigh so defeatedly felt like a punch to the gut, you were determined not to look at him. Keeping your eyes locked on the pavement in front of you, you tried your best to ignore the stray tear that slipped down your cheek.

“You won’t even look at me,” his voice broke mid-sentence, and something about how broken he sounded make you snap your head towards him.

“It’s not your fault,” you mumbled, trying your best to smile at him. You hated seeing him like this.

“Of course it is, I was the one who pushed myself onto you-”

“That’s not what this is about, Sirius,” you cut him off.

“Then tell me what it’s about,” he dragged a hand through his hair, brows knitting together, “I can’t handle seeing you like this. All- all sad and just-”

“You need to stop that,” you snapped, squeezing your eyes shut and trying to convince yourself that hearing him sound so worried about didn’t make your heart flutter.

“Stop what?” the desperation in his voice almost broke you.

“Acting like you care.”

“I do care,” he insisted, trying to make you look at him again. The tight feeling that had been a resident in your chest for the last week tightened, and you swallowed hard, as if that would make it go away.

The two of you sat there in silence for god knows how long, letting the mix of cold October air and cigarette smoke seep into your lungs. At this point, you were pretty sure you could feel your broken heart break into even smaller pieces.

Taking a deep breath, you tried to ignore the burning feeling of Sirius’ eyes on you as you spoke.

“Remember what you asked me last year?” your voice broke slightly, and you could feel a tear roll down your already raw cheek.

“Yeah,” he mumbled softly, placing a hand on your arm. It only had time to be there for a moment before you shrugged it off again.

“I lied.”

Letting out a deep breath, you cast a glance at him. His hair was messier than you’d ever seen it, his face flushed from the alcohol, his teeth digging into his lips in deep thought. The expression was unreadable, and now, you thought, sitting in awkward silence next to him, you’d never felt further away from each other.

Things had gotten so messed up and the anxiety of never being able to fix things again loomed in the back of your mind. Hunching over, you wrapped your arms around yourself harder, squeezing your stomach in hope to make the horrible nausea you felt go away.

“Why?”

You ran your teeth over your lips at a loss for words, “I don’t know,” you confessed, staring at your feet as sinking guilt settled in your stomach. A gush of wind washed over you, and a shiver ran up your spine as you realized; this wasn’t fair to him either.

“I mean-” he let out a shaky breath, wringing his hands together, “You could have told me.”

Huffing, you turned towards him, “No, I couldn’t have. I was not ready to be rejected,” shaking your head, you averted your eyes, “although- now that I think about it, it probably would have been a lot less painful than this.”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, and you could hear him sigh deeply from beside you, “I should have noticed- I just, I guess a small part of me didn’t want this to end.”

“What do you mean?” you could feel your brows furrowing, the confusion being too much for your emotionally exhausted, slightly drunk self.

“It’s- It’s become such a habit. To have sex with you, and- and to treat you like we’re together. It’s all I want, and I was scared that if I said something, things would change, and I wouldn’t get to be with you anymore.”

Swallowing hard, you tried your best not to get your hopes up, “So you like me?”

“That would be an understatement,” the soft tone of his voice as he looked at you made your heart thump in your chest, but not in the painful, panicked way it usually did. You could feel a grin stretching out on your tear-streaked face, a relieved laugh leaving your lips.

“We’re pretty bad at this whole relationship thing, aren’t we?”

His hand found yours, squeezing it slightly. Leaning your head on his shoulder, you let out a deep breath, the smoke-filled night air suddenly not being as bad as it had been only moments prior.

“I love you,” you heard him mumble, leaning his head atop of yours.

“I love you too.”


End file.
